being grateful. enjoying the present

being grateful and enjoying the present is closely related to my previous post about acceptance and openess. as opposed to always chasing something in the hope that this something will bring fulfilment, i think it is more important to enjoy the present. there is so much to be grateful for almost all of the time.

openness. acceptance. there is no english word to fully describe what i am talking about

acceptance and openness is as close as i can get to describing what im talking about. im learning about this, about fully embracing who i am and what i do. my thoughts, feelings, behaviour… no effort is required, this is who i am. i dont need to struggle with any of it. this is who i am. my annoyance, my critic, my depression, my anxiety, my confusion, this is forever changing and is forever who i am. its a wonderful understanding. this makes me feel good. it seems that not being this way, results in stress.

its so simple

the idea of openess is often talked about. allowing your thoughts and feelings to happen without stress. this is a most powerful idea. its one ive learnt about for so long, to fully understand it and to learn how to do it is still happeining for me.

the word disease comes from dis-ease. this has a lot of meaning, and really does explain a lot about how disease and and cancers form. dis-ease, to me, is the same as stress.

stress comes from not allowing things to happen, struggling with things so they dont happen with ease. this happens because of our conditioning in life, our learning. we are not taught to be open and accepting of bad feelings. in my case, as soon as i feel bad, i am instantly trying to do something about it. i think i am affraid to upset people. i dont want to be in a bad mood cos of what other people might think.

im trying to be more open, and allowing of my thoughts and feelings so i am less stressed.

making decisions and using my guidance system

I find making decisions to be difficult sometimes. This is because there is so much choice for one, but mainly its because when it comes to making decisions, i think conciously of all the factors involved, which can be an infinite amount. this is not good, it only create confusion and stress.

i should be thinking less about them and going by my feelings more. my feelings seem to take everything into account, which means i dont conciously need to do this. my feelings are like my guidance system and guide me to make decisions that best serve me.

what i learn from a bad day

Bad days for me are usually very similar. My mind is stressed, clouded, frustrated, depressed, anxious, confused etc. This seems to happen regardless of what had happenned in my day. it seems to me that its not external factors that cause me to get like this. I get confused, feel horrible and i am trying to get myself out of it. I feel like this quite regularly, and i dont want to. I really think im coming to understand why and how i get myself into this state.

When im entering or in this state, my thought process is quite intense, and it seems difficult to break unless i can get some time out on my own. I believe i need to change how i think. Now, when i get certain thoughts, good or bad, but usually bad one, they seem to be very strong and intense. a lot of my energy is focussed on it and it can produce intense feelings. this seems to be the start, and from here it spirals downwards. I need to think differently. i need to not get so caught up, and stuck on my thoughts. i need to be able to be fully open, and embrace my thoughts and feelings withouth getting so caught up on them. this is difficult.

i feel that if i could relate to my thoughts differently, this would help. now, i have thoughts, i get stuck on them, and they produce bad feelings, which seem to produce more intense thoughts, and the spiral begins.

i want to be able to think better, to have thoughts without them being so intentse etc. I think this is something i can learn, something i can do. its not really that complicated, i just need to practice.